Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
