i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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