Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
