She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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