If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
