is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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