i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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