i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
