my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
