Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
