Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
