You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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