GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
