1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
