is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
