I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
