So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
