I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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