The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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