This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
