Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
porn star boner night. come get it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
