Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
