I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
