I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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