Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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