Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
