you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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