I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
