you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
