Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
