sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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