Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
