ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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