More tranny stories later!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
