In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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