Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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