I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
