When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
