Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
