..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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