Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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