Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
