Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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