Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
