Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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