i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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