Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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