I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
