All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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