Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
