So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
