I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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