I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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