I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
