I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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