he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
